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3am in the morning

turning on the tap

stepping into the hot shower

feeling the warm water flowing on my skin

my eyes, my nose, my mouth my ears

hoping it will wash away

wash away all the uncertainty

wash away all the emotions

it really does help

standing in the shower

doing nothing

just feel the water draining everything off me

my legs are killing me

whole night of high heels and 8 hours of standing and running at work

i seriously feel like chopping my leggs off

sudden rush of wanting to look for him

bad move, evee

end up seeing his new woman

imagining him calling her his dear, his darling, his baby

a sense of jealousy rush up my vine

somehow

i'm jealous cause the tenderness and affection

used to be mine is now officially owned by another woman

i know

this is so fucked

i shouldn't turn back

i shouldn't go n bother about them

well

at leas there's some progress

no more tears during late nites

no more sleepless nites

and all thanks to my frens

i can smile and laugh

pure heartedly

even when i turn emo

it won't be as bad as it used to be

but i know

a part of me

still misses

the sense of heart beat

maybe its because of how he had cause my heart

beat like drums everytime we're togeter

now its so hard to let it go

how many times will a person

get to feel that feeling?

this ain't 1st love

just purely

heart felt

feeling

even the pain

I can feel it in my heart

as how psyshical the pain could be

i still can feel it

but it is past now

my emo will eventually be gone

and everything about you

will evenatually be gone

i will NOT go back the same path

waiting for an impossible future

waiting for an impossible man

i will NOT be that stupid anymore

for i know i need to live

for my family

for myself

i need to move on